Simple words so there isn’t room for misunderstanding.

The way you’re looking at me, as if trying to set me on fire, as if melting me with your hate.

The coy smile at the corner of my lips to reply, to set your anger a’flame. You can see  it in my eyes, the smugness only there to fuel your flame.

Stare at me, judge me, whisper slanders, spread your hate. Why? Because it is I who has power over you. You are bound by your jealousy.

Knowing that gives me reason to smirk, knowing that your jealousy is eating you alive and destroying everything around you give me reason to pity you.

Sweetheart, you promised me a fire. What you didn’t realize is that it would be you who was dancing in my flame.

You pull the string and make me watch as everything I’ve grown to love unravels.

You tell me to trust you.

You don’t realize that same string I’ve tangled in knots to try and secure.

You pull the string and make me watch as everything I’ve grown to love unravels.

You tell me to trust you.

You don’t realize that same string you’re unraveling is what I hold onto.

You pull the string and make me watch as everything I’ve grown to love unravels.

You tell me to trust you.

You don’t realize that same string you’re so desperate to untangle is me.

You pull the string and make me watch as everything I’ve grown to love unravels.

You tell me to trust you,

But it doesn’t matter anymore because that string is no longer mine. It’s lost me.

If you could see me.

If you could really see me.

If you could look past the smirk on my face.

If you could look past the mischief in my eyes.

If you could look deeper..

down into the core of me…

Into the depths where my soul lies…

You’d find a girl, someone who has been wronged…

Someone who knows true sadness..

Someone who watches as the world around her loses its humanity.

Someone who sees the unraveling as we lose ourselves within our vanity.

Liars, cheats, anything to get ahead. 

As we have forgotten who we are.

I know others can see it too.

But everyone sits silent because there is nothing we can do.

But Hope.

Pray.

That someday…we will realize what monsters we have let ourselves become. 

I was running away from something, someone. I didn’t know what to find but I was looking for something. There was a man who was helping me, like a mentor…I was young probably around 11 I needed to do something. The man told me to go on a ship and out to a pier. I knew I had to go, I knew its what I had to do. So I took this ship and hopped off the boat. It was like a ferry stayed 5 seconds then left. it was Abandoned in the middle of the ocean in an L shape. I looked out and the sun was setting it was by far the most scary and most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. I needed to get off. The swells of the ocean were rising higher and higher at an unnatural rate. I turned around to look towards the shore, there was a passing ship and 3 kids at the front. I called out to them. They yelled back “Do you need help?” In a rush they ran to the captain shouting “Hey there is a girl out there she needs help” But the ship was caught up in the waves. They didn’t realize that and a boy shouted “Don’t worry we’re here!” Then another boy cried out realizing that the waves were engulfing the ship and said “No we’re not we are drowning” I watched as the three boys and the ship sank slowly into the water they looked back at me quietly, they didn’t fight, they just sank…. Then there was something…I jumped on it and it was rushing…Rushing towards something I did not know it began to sink as well but not the same way at the other ship. The waters opened for me and it was like I was inside the center of a tidal wave, only more peaceful at the same time rushed and hungry. Slowly the waters opened up for me as I rushed down, down into the water of uncertainty. Its then when I whispered to myself “Lord please keep me safe on this Journey” I didn’t know where I was going. I just knew there was something I had to do. I looked back and saw the traces of the sunset , the swells of water then I looked forward, everything blurred…I was still in the dream when I woke up, I was in my bed and blinking my eyes open I saw the waves around me. Its like I was led here.

To be your everything.

To be worth getting out of your cozy bed to call and tell goodnight.

To be the one you call to tell how shitty your day  is going

To be the one you look forward to coming home to every night.

To be the one who comes across your mind randomly throughout the day.

To not feel like this isn’t going anywhere.

Not to feel like the one you’re constantly dismissing.

For you to show me constantly how much you think of me.

For you to want to be with me.

Why isn’t this so?

Why is it I have to always let go before anyone realizes what it is they are losing?

Always the same mistakes.

My sadness turns to disgust.

My disgust turns to resentment.

My resentment drives me away.

Why can’t you see that and just pull me close?

Why don’t you listen?

Why do they always just let go?

Why am I so cold?

You make me this way.

All I ever wanted…. 

Lately I’ve been thinking. Its like a constant dread that I haven’t felt since my mum died. Afterwards I would look at people and wonder when it was there turn. Then about when it was mine. You never know…

Looking at someone you care about, talking to them and realizing that it may be the last time you ever see them. Talk to them. Tell them something.

Morbid I know, trust me. 

But with this thought, how many of you  regret saying something to someone? Your mom? You yelled at her and told her you hated her because she wouldn’t let you go out with your friends. Your dad? For refusing to let you wear make up? Something so stupid that didn’t even really matter but you made a big deal about it…

If it was the last thing you ever got to say to that person would you be happy with it?

I’ve been lately trying to say how I feel about people I care about, despite me being upset, or angry. Its hard not just to say “Fuck off” and leave it at that.  

It could very well be the last time you see them. I mean look at todays world. Society is falling apart and people are in a chaotic random state. You don’t know when the next psychotic shooter is going to randomly shoot up your neighborhood and kill someone you know.  You don’t know when a car accident, a fire, something happens. You don’t. With that said you’re probably like “Well thanks now Im never leaving my house” But thats not what I mean to do. I mean, be happy with the last thing you say to someone. Don’t storm off angry… because I mean in the end you really love them don’t you? If you really cared about someone, something so minuscule shouldn’t matter. It shouldn’t make a difference if they are wrong, if they are being stupid, if they aren’t doing what you like. 

If you really care about them….don’t ever let your last interaction with them show any differently.